Different ways of loving
Love is a mistery. It has as many definitions as human beings. I remember that I had a boss that once said: when you have a child, your life will switch from 2 to 3 dimensions. He was bloody right. This love is an unlimited love. For your kid, you would put your body between the danger and him. Without thinking a single second. Instinct love. Almost animal. Survival love. Sacrifice love.
Then you have what we could call traditional occidental couple love. This is an interesting one. With many nuances and differences. It can be good or it can be bad. Often it is a mixture of good and bad things. Everytime I read in a newspaper that a man killed his former wife "because she will be with me or with no one else" then I think that even maybe this man thinks he loved her, this can't be love. This is the apology to selfishness. this is exactly the opposite to the type of love I will talk - ok, lets say write - in the last place.
Traditional occidental couple love has several ingredients, all in certain degree, higher or lower depending on the person: love, desire, sex, jealousy (I hate this one), "affection", care for the other one, selfishness (to a certain degree - remember), joint plans, caress, maybe children, usually a mortgage. You can feel happyness and frustrations here. You can also suffer in this type of love, even loving and being loved.
Maybe we could say that sex or erotism in all his aspects could be also called love. I go for it. I think it is love. Ok, maybe limited in time and intensity, but love after all.
There are many more types of love in my opinion, but we will not talk of them right now, they are not relevant now.
And then there is a very special love. I believe that few people has the gift to feel it. Hopefully I will be able to explain it. This is a love that lacks selfishness. It is generous. It is protective. It is a love that prefers the beloved person to be far away from you but happy, than having him close to you but unhappy. It is a love that gives without taking. It is a love that grows through the other person's happyness. You know how I paraphrase this type of love. This is the love that makes you work hard to see wings growing. This is the love that makes you work hard to build the right foundations. To eliminate weeds.
Oh, so maybe this is not love but altruism? No, no. The reward comes. But in a different way. In the traditional love, you feel happy when the other person says he loves you. In this type of love you feel happy when the other person is happy. When you see him smiling and you feel your heart full of joy. When you feel that the other person has had a good day. Ok, agree, sometimes little things. But what is happyness after all? Isn't it some seconds of glory? Isn't it two minutes in paradise? I've felt sometimes that people tend to think that happyness is a stable state of mind that you can reach if you are sorrounded of perfection. Wrong. Totally wrong. This world is built of moments. Instants. Seconds.
And yes, you can still desire this person. Even maybe badly. But this feeling is not the core feeling. Because desire is to a certain extent the wish to have someone or something to be (oneself) happy. Because, believe or not, you can be happy if the person is happy with another person. Because it is such a pure love that does not understand anything about selfishness. But yes, nothing is perfect. People that can feel this type of love only can suffer if the beloved person is not happy. And they can't accept that. Not without fighting for it. Because they need to feel again the miracle of this strange sensation of being overflowed with pure love (ok, so maybe this is the selfish part after all). To feel it again and again. Endlessly.
I can love like this. And I am not the only one. I've been told that there is a famous writer that went three times through a not precisely nice experience. Not by his choice. People that loved him this way made him go through this. Because they wanted him to be ok, to be happy, to receive what he needed. It seems that this really worked. There is a saying I always remember: you can't make an omelette without breaking eggs. Sometimes you have to do things you don't like to be ultimately where you want or you need to be.
Yesterday I was given one of the most beautiful gifts I've ever received. The person I love in this way offered to go through an experience he did not want to go only to make me happy. Well, hopefully this is not needed. Maybe even if this is needed he at the end would not it. But you know what? The sole act of offering it, of thinking to do it for this reason, is one of the things that makes this world be worth. Really worth. I cannot think of receiving a bigger gift than this one. Thank you for this.
Then you have what we could call traditional occidental couple love. This is an interesting one. With many nuances and differences. It can be good or it can be bad. Often it is a mixture of good and bad things. Everytime I read in a newspaper that a man killed his former wife "because she will be with me or with no one else" then I think that even maybe this man thinks he loved her, this can't be love. This is the apology to selfishness. this is exactly the opposite to the type of love I will talk - ok, lets say write - in the last place.
Traditional occidental couple love has several ingredients, all in certain degree, higher or lower depending on the person: love, desire, sex, jealousy (I hate this one), "affection", care for the other one, selfishness (to a certain degree - remember), joint plans, caress, maybe children, usually a mortgage. You can feel happyness and frustrations here. You can also suffer in this type of love, even loving and being loved.
Maybe we could say that sex or erotism in all his aspects could be also called love. I go for it. I think it is love. Ok, maybe limited in time and intensity, but love after all.
There are many more types of love in my opinion, but we will not talk of them right now, they are not relevant now.
And then there is a very special love. I believe that few people has the gift to feel it. Hopefully I will be able to explain it. This is a love that lacks selfishness. It is generous. It is protective. It is a love that prefers the beloved person to be far away from you but happy, than having him close to you but unhappy. It is a love that gives without taking. It is a love that grows through the other person's happyness. You know how I paraphrase this type of love. This is the love that makes you work hard to see wings growing. This is the love that makes you work hard to build the right foundations. To eliminate weeds.
Oh, so maybe this is not love but altruism? No, no. The reward comes. But in a different way. In the traditional love, you feel happy when the other person says he loves you. In this type of love you feel happy when the other person is happy. When you see him smiling and you feel your heart full of joy. When you feel that the other person has had a good day. Ok, agree, sometimes little things. But what is happyness after all? Isn't it some seconds of glory? Isn't it two minutes in paradise? I've felt sometimes that people tend to think that happyness is a stable state of mind that you can reach if you are sorrounded of perfection. Wrong. Totally wrong. This world is built of moments. Instants. Seconds.
And yes, you can still desire this person. Even maybe badly. But this feeling is not the core feeling. Because desire is to a certain extent the wish to have someone or something to be (oneself) happy. Because, believe or not, you can be happy if the person is happy with another person. Because it is such a pure love that does not understand anything about selfishness. But yes, nothing is perfect. People that can feel this type of love only can suffer if the beloved person is not happy. And they can't accept that. Not without fighting for it. Because they need to feel again the miracle of this strange sensation of being overflowed with pure love (ok, so maybe this is the selfish part after all). To feel it again and again. Endlessly.
I can love like this. And I am not the only one. I've been told that there is a famous writer that went three times through a not precisely nice experience. Not by his choice. People that loved him this way made him go through this. Because they wanted him to be ok, to be happy, to receive what he needed. It seems that this really worked. There is a saying I always remember: you can't make an omelette without breaking eggs. Sometimes you have to do things you don't like to be ultimately where you want or you need to be.
Yesterday I was given one of the most beautiful gifts I've ever received. The person I love in this way offered to go through an experience he did not want to go only to make me happy. Well, hopefully this is not needed. Maybe even if this is needed he at the end would not it. But you know what? The sole act of offering it, of thinking to do it for this reason, is one of the things that makes this world be worth. Really worth. I cannot think of receiving a bigger gift than this one. Thank you for this.
posted by Morgana at 11:14 am
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