The loneliness of a decision maker

Sometimes a person needs to take decisions. Sometimes one knows these decisions are tough. Sometimes one knows these decisions will hurt a person. Maybe a beloved person.

The decision maker evaluates which are the alternatives. The risks. What might happen if this decision is not taken and nothing is done. The decision maker tries desperately to find a solution that is good for all parties. But she cannot. Time is short. No room for digging into other alternatives any longer.

Tough things to do. Tough feelings to be faced. Feeling guilty, feeling like a traitor, feeling like disappointing. One selfish voice says don’t feel like this, it is not your fault.
And another voice says, if you do love him go ahead, do what is good for him, and bear those bad feelings.

Maybe we will earn the hate of the beloved person. This is one of the risks the decision maker knows is being faced. We think, we feel that we might lose him. And we think we have to do the best for this beloved person, even if this person does not realize about this now.

The decision is easy to take though. We have two choices. Do we prefer our wellbeing or the long term wellbeing of the beloved person? Are we selfish enough to prefer being loved than hated even when this will be worse for the beloved person?

The decision maker prefers, because her way of loving is different, that the beloved person is ok but hating her, that not ok but loving her. That’s it.

So there we go. We take the decision the beloved person does not want us to take.

And the decision maker and her conscience are left alone. With this bitter taste. And alone. With the only company of the inner sense of having taken the right decision. But yet alone.